Are Self Esteem Issues Holding You Back?
Sometimes our self esteem isn’t at its highest, where it should be. Sometimes it is and we get that invincible feeling that we can conquer anything and everything will be alright. I love that feeling!! But honestly, I don’t always have the satisfaction of feeling that way as often as I’d like.
When the company that I was managing closed down, I had applied to many jobs that I thought I’d be great at and excel in. Some job ads listed that a degree was required or preferred in order to be considered for an interview. Some of those jobs called back but the majority didn’t. I know there are many factors behind being chosen for an interview (I worked in H.R. depts over the course of my working life) but I just couldn’t help but to think that the reason why I wasn’t getting calls back was because I hadn’t finished my schooling and didn’t have a degree. Yeah I know how that looks on a resume but my experience supersedes being just equivalent to having a degree.
In return, my self esteem took a beating. You see, I’ve always thought that my way out of poverty would be through higher education and owning a degree to prove it. Seeing my parents struggle to make it without going to college and accepting jobs that were really meant for high schoolers created a stigma within me that seen how higher education could be a way out. For me, it was THE way out. No doubt.
My belief was that we (my brothers and I) were cursed and the only way to break it is by completing college and earning a degree. Yes, this was my solid belief. How many of you (in the same circumstances) have felt the same way?? A lot I bet. It’s not uncommon to encounter a concrete rose. For those of you that don’t know what that means…please read the poem below for a better understanding of who we are.
When I’d search for jobs and see that one of the requirements was to have a degree, I would get so discouraged!!!! I felt like, “Damn, well I don’t have a degree yet, so that means I can’t get a leg up?”. It made me feel really inferior and sad. Soon, every brilliant thought or fantastic idea that I had was diminished and reduced down to nothing. My thinking started becoming poisonous and my dreams were suddenly unattainable. I started thinking of other ways I could employ myself because my social anxiety had started peaking again.
It was hard for me to leave the house (yes even to go visit my parents for a 25 minute ride) and I found myself cancelling interviews that were scheduled. Something was holding me back. I felt like I didn’t know shit. I was starting to become depressed. I was tired of working on someone else’s time and for someone else’s business. The last job I had, I gave it my all, even paid some bills with my own credit card and held back on receiving a paycheck so the rest of the staff could get paid first. No appreciation from the owners. I was one of the core team members that was holding up the company. The difference was that I wasn’t going to do that for anyone else’s company but mine. I was done with it. And I felt like my entrepreneurial spirit was growing.
Self esteem issues can be difficult to get over but don’t ever lower your true worth!!! You know what you are worth and you must fight to keep that knowledge on the forefront. Don’t let anything get you down! All of your experiences, education, observations, etc. make you the brilliant and creative person you are today. And to add to that, I’m almost certain you have gifts and abilities that you haven’t even encountered or recognized yet!
When I’m feeling down and worthless, I first think about everything that I’ve achieved in this lifetime and make a list:
- Raised my little brother to be a good man
- Acted as the glue between family members, keeping us all together
- Took care of my family like I said I was going to do when I was just a little girl
- Created my own happy nuclear family
- Great relationship with my other half (we just made our 13th year)
- Made some really great, close friends that I love and adore
- Acted as the primary breadwinner for over a decade, taking care of everyone’s needs and wants
- Always showed my best at work and quickly earned promotions and raises
- Rising to meet and conquer all challenges presented to me
Those are just a few to get you thinking about your own achievements. Mull over them, re-read them and really take the time to think about the things you listed. Think about the difficulties you encountered through those achievements and what you did to surpass them. Think about the people that look up to you and the friends and family members that care deeply for you. Think about those things and see with your own eyes how fucking fantastic you are!!!
Then make a list of what you would like to achieve:
- Finally get a degree (I’d be happy with an Associate’s for now)
- Create my own business so I can be a stay-at-home mom and wife
- Generate a pretty healthy monthly income based on my own conditions
- Get my driver’s license (yup, I’m still behind on that-damn PTSD!)
- Be able to take care of my extended family (buying a house for my Ma & Pa, be able to put my baby brothers on payroll for my company and lace them with some knowledge and experience, send money to my older brother, be able to help my sister out with her kid’s medications)
Are the things you listed achievable? Be realistic. In all honesty, everything can be possible, therefore achievable. How will you achieve these goals; what steps can you take to get there? What are your obstacles for each one listed? And how can you crush them and move forward?
Now is the time for you to place one foot in front of the other to break through your self esteem issues! Yes, it’s very normal that we encounter these feelings of depression, worthlessness, etc. throughout the course of our lives but it’s how you overcome them that matters.
Please feel free to contact me if you feel the need to chat or even just to vent. I’m here for you!
What are your self esteem issues holding you back from? Be sure to add your comment below.