Dealing With A Toxic Friend Or Relative?
Point Blank: Some relationships just aren’t worth the drama! Some people think and operate differently and can be difficult to have an amicable relationship with. You’ll know who these toxic people are in your life because they may be the same ones that you have the hardest time getting along with. They could be wolves in sheep’s clothing pulling you down to your lowest, trying to make you fail, knowingly or not. Sometimes they can be energy vampires feeding on your happy, optimistic self or even narcissists that are actively manipulating you.
If the relationship if worth salvaging, I suggest that you read my previous post, 5 Steps to a Healthier Relationship, to marinate your mind with and get some ideas flowing on how you can do your part to make it a better relationship.
If the relationship isn’t worth saving, then let me ask you a few questions to be sure. Are you at the end of your rope with this person? Have you exhausted all attempts to make things better? Is this person closed off to the idea of fully hearing you out? Will you be okay if you and this person were no longer on speaking terms?
Remember that there will be friendships/relationships that don’t meet your expectations and will never advance. That’s just the way things go but also realize that it’s okay if it happens. Some people are brought into our lives to show us examples. Maybe it’s showing you that you should be more apprehensive with these types of people. Weigh the pros and cons of keeping relations with this person before coming to a decision.
I once had a best friend (not sure if that title really fits the description because it was mostly one-sided) who I’m certain was an energy vampire and was most definitely bipolar. Her depressive moods and neglect for sensitive racial issues/slurs made it very difficult and painful to continue hanging around her and then eventually, at all.
There were about 3 of us who really cared for her and tolerated her nonsense. But to what extent? I had always wondered if she knew what she was doing and just wasn’t in full control or if she would purposely do and say fucked up shit because she intentionally wanted to hurt us. Something was severely wrong with her thought processes and that is no doubt the truth.
Anyway, we held tight for as long as we could to show her that we supported her through her mental illness and constant depressed moods until she eventually drove each one of us away, one by one. The other 2 held on longer than I did but painstakingly so. Under no circumstances will I approve shit-talking behind my back and about people that I love. I’m huge on loyalty and trust. Betrayal isn’t tolerated. ‘Nuff said about that.
The point is that that friendship wasn’t worth saving or keeping. Not as long as she wasn’t actively trying to improve. She was definitely a toxic person. And guess what happened when I severed ties with her? My life became a hundred times better! She did some pretty unforgivable things to me that I definitely had a hard time forgiving but even then…I still missed parts of her. The good parts of her.
Even though her primary role in society was as a juicy gossip queen, excitingly spreading everyone’s business as if it was her own, there were definitely some good traits she had. She was very unselfish and would happily buy a homeless person a meal, she’d give the jacket off her back if someone was freezing. And if she had extras of something, then she’d share that too. And not to mention, every blue moon where she would say something so deep that her primary personality wouldn’t, and amaze the socks off me. I’d see something in her so wise but hidden so deep that it would strike me as a mystery. Where was this person ALL the time? I really liked her more mature self and could see that we would get along more closely if this was her primary personality. But she had a lot of growing to do before I could even see her, much less tolerate her. Her actions marred my view of her.
In instances like these, it’s wise to sever ties for your own good. Sometimes the company you keep can pull you down without you even knowing it. Being around like-minded people who have the same or similar goals as you, creates an environment where growth and inspiration can dwell. Your mood can be correlated with your success. When you are in good spirits and happy and laughing, you feel confident and strong and at ease. When there is drama and negativity in your life that is unnecessary, it can weigh you down and prevent you from obtaining success.
What are your dealings with a toxic friend or relative? Please comment below.
*On the opposite side of the spectrum, have you considered the idea that YOU may be the toxic one? Are there many people who don’t get along with you? Do you struggle to meet others halfway? Are you the less cooperative one?