The Discomfort of Growth
I sat on the empty side of the parking lot, sobbing like a toddler that couldn’t have her way. I knew I didn’t really have a choice but also couldn’t do anything about it anyway. There were 20 minutes left before I had to go back in to finish my shift. I didn’t want to go back in though.
As tears rolled down my cheeks, I wondered if I was just going through something or if I was really going through something. Ever since my last job closed down, I had been going through some weird unexpected changes. I started realizing that I didn’t have any hobbies, hadn’t really did things that I wanted to do or things that I had wanted to learn, wasted time at dead-end jobs that I gave more than 100% of myself to, and slaved away for nothing.
And there I was, sitting on rocks at my new job’s parking lot, crying because I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to be at home. Yes, this may sound a lot like your toddler throwing a temper tantrum for no logical reason. And while others may believe that to be true, I of course, do not.
After a length of time and thought, (and all the suffering in between), I understood that what I was experiencing was growth. At the time, I didn’t know it because it felt so strange and uncomfortable. I had never felt like that before. Ever. I longed to be at home instead of working in a cold office lit by fluorescent lights. It wasn’t that I wanted to be bumming it up at home with zero responsibilities. No, I wanted to be home, but also have the luxury and freedom to not only work for myself but to also work from the comfort of my home. Not only that, but I wanted to make a fantastic living from it. I wasn’t thinking that it was going to be easy but I also wasn’t in agreeance with working for someone else when I finally had a dream that I wanted to pursue.
It’s been about 3 years since this change has begun and it has definitely been a roller coaster ride for me. It was hard up until recently where I made the solid decision to just buckle down and do what I have to do to get to where I want to be. It’s still a bit of a struggle at times but I also try to practice gratitude daily, and for every single blessing that happens upon me, from the time I wake up to the second I fall asleep. I also remembered how it felt to be jobless and desperate, willing to take almost anything just to survive. My new job was great but it was me that was going through those changes and questioning myself intensely about what it was that I wanted. There were so many conflicting thoughts and feelings which took time to unravel and identify.
For some, my discomfort and me crying at work because I didn’t want to be there, may appear to be trivial. But, it is important to understand that everyone has their own set of limits and things that affect them differently. The discomfort that one goes through during a growth period is a direct sign that you are indefinitely going through changes that your higher self wants you to be more aware of. These changes signify something spectacular taking place within. Don’t try to stop these changes or mute them from being felt and experienced. They are occurring for a reason and only you know what that reason is.
We often try to stifle the experience of negative emotions for various justifications, but I believe that consciously acknowledging and experiencing them offers healthier benefits as opposed to just not dealing with them. It’s difficult going through the process but it also makes you stronger and more resilient. You are in the process of becoming a better you. It’s worth it to take the time you need to figure out what’s going on.
Here are some questions I asked myself during this process of realization:
- What am I feeling and why?
- What would make it better and is that really logical or am I just being petty?
- Realistically, what would make it better? And is it achievable?
- How can it be achieved and am I not only capable, but ready and willing to make it happen?
- Do I understand that this may take longer than possible and am I okay with this? Do I want it bad enough?
- What are the steps I need to get there?
- In what ways will I reward myself for meeting each goal?
In my experience, growth like this occurs when you become uncomfortable and know that this isn’t your usual behavior. It happens to facilitate your maturation. The uncomfortability you are experiencing is prompting you to make changes so that you can be comfortable again before your next period of growth. We are always growing, always learning more about ourselves, experiencing life-changing events, and changing from our experiences.
Is this something that you’ve experienced or are experiencing? How are you dealing with this? What was your realization?